I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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