dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Congratulations! We have a period
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
