Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize