My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
