I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
