I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
