i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
