I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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