My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
tell me about the fingering
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