Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize