Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
