I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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