That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
