dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He had one of those small greek statue penises
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
