Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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