Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
