Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
