cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize