I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
