He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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