arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
