she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
a search helicopter?!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
this hospital has no fireball
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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