sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
