I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
