you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
