My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
