does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
