This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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