I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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