I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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