i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
