is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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