making cat noises will not fix the situation.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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