I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
