if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
