You just made me feel so damn special
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
