I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
