How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
