Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
