I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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