you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize