Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
