Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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