it was like his penis was on wheels.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
