8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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