Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
