bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
