omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize