i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
