is your mom at the bar?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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