also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
