what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I did not marry a roomba.
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