Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
