THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
