i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
