one two three fourrrrnication!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
