thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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