cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
