Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
