The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize