Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
