We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize