I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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