Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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