"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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