Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
