the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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