Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
