once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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