I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am available for nakedness
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
