I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
