i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
