Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Please don't give away my fajitas
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
