my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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