I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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