True but thats because hes a fetus.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
