My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
