The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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